I know firsthand how difficult it can be to set and maintain boundaries, especially in the workplace. For a long time, I struggled with saying no, thinking that to be successful, I had to be constantly available to my colleagues—even at the expense of my own well-being. But over time, I learned the hard way that boundaries aren’t just important; they are essential. 

Boundaries help define how we interact with others, protecting our time, energy, and emotional well-being. They allow us to create a work environment that is safe, effective, and supportive—not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us. As someone who has navigated the complexities of trauma and leadership, I want to share why boundaries matter and how we can cultivate them in ways that promote healing and productivity. 

 What Boundaries Mean to Me 

At their core, boundaries are the guidelines we set to protect ourselves and create healthy relationships. In the workplace, boundaries show up in different ways—creating clarity around our roles and responsibilities, respecting work hours, communicating clearly, and ensuring that everyone understands what’s appropriate and what isn’t.

 Boundaries are a declaration of what you will and won’t accept and include informing others of what your action will be should that line be crossed. For example, “I will only accept calls that are dire emergencies when I’m on vacation. If I receive a call about how someone didn’t clean the fridge when they were supposed to, I will throw my phone into the ocean.” While this is meant to be a humorous example, it underscores the importance of setting a boundary and following through with a consequence to violating that boundary. And remember, boundaries are about YOU, not about them. They are designed to protect your peace, not take care of others.

For those of us who have experienced trauma, boundaries take on an even deeper significance. Trauma, at its core, is often about boundary violations—whether physical, emotional, or psychological. When our boundaries have been repeatedly disregarded, we may struggle to recognize what healthy limits look like. I know I did.

 I grew up in an environment where personal space and safety weren’t always respected. As a result, I spent years accommodating others at my own expense. It took time, self-reflection, and intentional effort to unlearn those patterns and understand that setting boundaries wasn’t selfish—it was necessary for my well-being. 

 Boundaries and Trauma: Why They Matter 

For many of us, trauma disrupts our sense of safety. Whether it was physical abuse, emotional manipulation, or any other kind of violation, trauma leaves us questioning whether we have the right to protect ourselves. This can translate into our professional lives, where we may feel guilty for enforcing limits or fear disappointing others. 

I used to believe that being a good leader meant being available 24/7, taking on tasks that weren’t mine, and making sure everyone else was comfortable—even if it meant sacrificing my own peace. But that approach led to burnout, resentment, and frustration – for me and my staff. I had to learn that setting boundaries was not only possible but essential for maintaining my effectiveness as a leader. 

What Happens When Boundaries are Blurred? 

I once had a colleague, Ellen, who was an excellent model of boundary setting. She knew exactly what she could accomplish during work hours and was very intentional about how she spent her time. She didn’t respond to emails outside of work hours, and she wasn’t available unless it was truly an emergency. She also set firm boundaries around discussions of salary and job responsibilities, clearly communicating what she was willing to engage in and when.   

 Her approach was impressive, but at the time, I struggled to understand it. I found it difficult to say no, thinking that to be successful, I had to be constantly available to my colleagues—even at the expense of my own well-being. I felt like it was rude to say no, or that it would create conflict that I wanted to avoid. I felt like people would like me less if I said no. In fact, the opposite was true. People respected Ellen and the clarity that her boundaries provided. No one judged her negatively or thought less of her for those boundaries. They felt more comfortable with the clarity that her boundaries provided them. I was the only one who felt uncomfortable with them, but that was more about me than her!

 In contrast to Ellen, I worked beyond my allocated hours, took on tasks outside my job description, and was available during vacations. Although I did this out of a desire to help, I ultimately experienced burnout and frustration. 

 Many newer employees, like I once was, often face challenges when it comes to boundary-setting in the workplace. While we understand that boundaries are important, establishing and maintaining them can feel difficult, particularly in environments where people strive to prove their worth, make an impact, or avoid disappointing peers and supervisors. 

 The Cost of Ignoring Boundaries 

When boundaries are not established or respected, both individuals and the organization can face serious consequences. Some of the negative impacts of boundary violations in the workplace include: 

• Burnout and Stress: Without clear boundaries, employees may feel the pressure to work long hours or take on too much responsibility, leading to chronic stress and burnout. 
• Decreased Productivity: When boundaries are blurred, employees experience distractions, constant interruptions, and unclear expectations, all of which can reduce focus and lower productivity. 
• Conflicts and Resentment: A lack of respect for boundaries can lead to tension and resentment among colleagues. Misunderstandings or overstepping roles often occur when boundaries are not respected. 
• Increased Turnover and Absenteeism: Without clear boundaries, employees may feel undervalued or unsupported, leading them to leave for other opportunities. High turnover and absenteeism are costly for organizations. 
• Poor Work-Life Balance: When work demands spill over into employees’ personal time, their overall well-being and relationships outside of work suffer. 
• Unclear Roles and Expectations: When job roles aren’t clearly defined, employees may feel unsure about what is expected of them, leading to confusion and inefficiency. 
• Toxic Work Culture: A lack of boundaries can foster a toxic work environment. Leaders who fail to address inappropriate behavior create an atmosphere of distrust and fear, which undermines employee morale. 
• Loss of Respect for Authority: Leaders who don’t uphold boundaries may lose the respect of their team. Employees may feel empowered to disregard professional standards and behave inappropriately. 
• Legal and Ethical Risks: Boundary violations—such as harassment, discrimination, or misuse of power—can expose the organization to legal and ethical challenges. 

 Common Boundary Violations in Leadership 

As leaders, we set the tone for our teams. If we don’t respect our own boundaries, we can’t expect others to. Here are some common leadership boundary violations I’ve seen (and at times, have been guilty of myself): 

• Overstepping Professional Limits: Treating employees like friends rather than colleagues, which can blur roles and create discomfort. I once had a colleague who became great friends with one of her subordinates – hanging out on weekends, babysitting, etc. This seemed great at first because they really liked being around each other at work. However, when that team member started having performance issues, it became very difficult for my colleague to address them appropriately.  
• Micromanaging: Being overly involved in employees’ tasks, which undermines their autonomy and trust. For more about balancing structure and autonomy, check out this blog post.  
• Unclear Expectations: Asking team members to take on extra work outside their roles without proper acknowledgment or compensation. 
• Inappropriate Communication: Sending messages after hours and expecting immediate responses, creating pressure to always be "on." 
• Favoritism: Connected to overstepping professional limits, treating certain employees differently based on personal relationships, which damages team morale. 
• Ignoring Work-Life Balance: Expecting employees to be available beyond their designated hours without regard for their personal time. 

 How I Learned to Set Boundaries 

It wasn’t easy, but I started making small, intentional changes to reclaim my sense of balance. Here’s what worked for me:

1. Getting Clear on My Needs

: I had to take a step back and ask myself what I needed to feel safe, respected, and balanced at work. This took time and I had a lot of conversations with friends and colleagues as I sorted this out. Some of it was uncomfortable and required that I make some difficult decisions about whether I was working in a place that was a good match for my needs. For example, I learned that I really struggled when I was contacted outside of my work hours for non-emergencies. It was exhausting to me personally.  

2. Communicating Openly

: Instead of assuming others would understand my boundaries, I made them clear—whether it was about work hours, workload, or expectations. For example, I made sure that when I left the office on vacation, I was specific and clear about which work events were not critical enough to warrant contacting me, and which were (which were very rare!). 

3. Practicing Saying No

: This was a big one and to be honest, one that I am still struggling to figure out at times. As someone who wants to make sure that everyone around me is taken care of, it can be hard to say “no” when it feels like it might put a burden on someone else, especially when the person you are saying no to might also be overextended. However, I am learning that “no” is a complete sentence and that setting limits doesn’t make me unkind or unhelpful. It is often empowering to those you lead that “no” can be a complete sentence for them, too. 

4. Modeling the Behavior I Wanted to See

: If I wanted my team to take breaks, I had to take breaks. If I wanted them to disconnect after work, I had to do the same. I’ll be honest, this was hard to do at first, but it became easier over time when I saw how much my team really appreciated it. Once I heard a team member say, “Thank you for leaving on time every day – it helps me do the same” I felt much more comfortable. 

5. Holding Myself Accountable: Boundaries only work if we enforce them. I made sure to stick to my commitments to myself, even when it was uncomfortable. This took time and I had conversations with those close to me who helped hold me accountable. 

 The Power of Boundaries in Trauma-Informed Leadership 

Being a trauma-informed leader means recognizing that boundaries are not just professional guidelines; they are acts of self-care and self-respect. When we establish clear, healthy boundaries, we create environments where people feel safe, valued, and empowered. 

I want to encourage you to reflect on where you may need stronger boundaries in your leadership and personal life. Where do you feel stretched too thin? What expectations are you struggling to meet? Start small—set one new boundary this week and see how it feels. Your well-being and success depend on it. 

 If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. Boundaries are not about shutting people out; they’re about creating space for meaningful, sustainable connections—both at work and in life. 

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing more about how to strengthen your own boundaries as a leader and how to support your team in doing the same. Together, we can build workplaces that honor our time, our energy, and our humanity.