I remember when I was first promoted to a leadership role. Like many of us, I wanted to prove myself. I worked late, answered emails on weekends, and made myself available at all times, thinking that my dedication would earn my team’s trust and respect. At first, I felt proud of my commitment, but before long, the constant availability began to take a toll. I was exhausted, irritable, and no longer able to give my best to my team. It wasn’t until I reached the point of burnout that I realized something had to change. 

I know I’m not alone in this experience. Many trauma-informed leaders—especially those of us who deeply care about our teams—struggle with balancing professional responsibilities and personal needs. But I’ve learned that without clear boundaries, burnout is inevitable, and my leadership effectiveness suffers. That’s why I want to share what I’ve learned about setting and maintaining boundaries, how trauma influences our approach to boundaries, and practical steps to help you establish them in your own leadership. 

Why Boundaries Matter as a Trauma-Informed Leader 

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. As a trauma-informed leader, I’ve realized that boundaries take on even greater significance because many of the people I work with have experienced trauma that involved violations of personal boundaries. Whether due to past abuse, neglect, or other harm, trauma survivors often struggle to establish or even recognize their own boundaries. That’s why it’s so important for me, as a leader, to model healthy boundary-setting—to create a safe, supportive, and trust-filled work environment. 

When boundaries are ignored or violated in the workplace, it can create feelings of insecurity, mistrust, and anxiety. For those with trauma histories, this can even trigger emotional distress or a sense of danger. I’ve come to understand that setting and maintaining boundaries isn’t just about my own well-being—it’s about creating a work environment where my team feels safe, respected, and empowered to uphold their own boundaries as well. 

 How I Recognized the Need for Boundaries to Prevent Burnout 

Burnout is real, and I’ve felt it. In my early leadership years, I had a supervisor who was always “on.” No matter the time of day, they were available for emails, calls, and emergencies—even while on vacation. As a result, I believed that I needed to be like that, too, in order to be successful and a good “team player.” Wanting to show my dedication, I followed suit. I remember being on a trip with my partner, checking work emails and responding to issues that others could have easily handled. Instead of relaxing, I was stressing over work. While I had a team that could manage the challenges without me, I thought that me being “available” was being supportive. However, the reality was that I kept inserting myself into situations that were handled and I ended up causing more problems. Halfway through the trip, it hit me—this was not sustainable, and worse, I was setting a precedent that made my team feel like they had to do the same. 

That realization was a turning point. I saw that failing to set boundaries doesn’t just harm me—it sends the message that overworking is the expectation and that it doesn’t necessarily help the situation. Since then, I’ve made it a point to lead by example, setting clear work-life boundaries and encouraging my team to do the same. When I respect my own limits, I give my team permission to respect theirs, too. 

How I Set Personal and Professional Boundaries 

First, let me say that learning the skill of setting boundaries is something that will likely take a lifetime to master for me. None of this is easy and it often conflicts with my deep need to make sure that everyone else is happy around me, often sacrificing my own feelings in the process. However, becoming aware of those beliefs and actively working on re-wiring them in my brain, has been a game changer. Setting boundaries is a skill I’ve had to practice, and I want to share what has worked for me: 

1. Reflect on My Boundaries. I regularly ask myself: 
   • Am I saying “yes” to things out of fear of disappointing others rather than genuine desire? 
   • Do I feel comfortable in my professional interactions? 
   • Am I prioritizing my own needs, like rest and self-care? 
   • Do I allow others to dictate my availability, or do I take control of my own limits? This self-awareness has helped me recognize where I need stronger boundaries. 
2. Communicate Boundaries Clearly. Once I identified my limits, I made sure to communicate them. I let my team know my availability, preferred methods of communication, and that I don’t check emails after hours. Clarity prevents misunderstandings and reinforces a culture of respect. I like to communicate this as part of a larger meeting about appropriate boundaries so that we can create the space together for healthy boundaries among all members of the team. I know it sounds harsh, but you also have to communicate what the next step is, should the boundary be violated.  It doesn’t have to sound like a threat.  It just has to be clear that YOU are the one maintaining the boundary and calling foul if it is crossed.  “If I get too many calls on my vacation, I might have to throw my phone in the sea.” 
3.  Start Small and Stay Consistent. I didn’t overhaul everything overnight and I am still a work in progress. I started with small changes—like not responding to emails after a certain time—and built from there. Consistency is key; if I don’t respect my own boundaries, no one else will. Make sure to communicate those small changes. Start with telling everyone you won’t answer emails after a certain time. You can also do a communication sandwich. So, the next day, let people know that you weren’t able to respond to the email until now because it came in after hours.
4. Lead by Example. I make it a point to leave work on time, take breaks, and step away when needed. And by doing so, my team sees me honoring my boundaries, they feel empowered to do the same. I knew this was true when one of my team members (who struggled with keeping her own boundaries) said to me, “It’s such a relief when you leave on time. It helps me know that I can do the same.” 
5.  Learn to Say “No.” Saying “no” used to be hard for me (and still is, sometimes), but I’ve realized that every time I say “yes” to something I don’t have the capacity for, I’m saying “no” to my well-being. Because I have done work on this, I can physically feel in my body the stress that came with saying “yes” when I meant “no.” Now, I politely but firmly decline when necessary. I still feel guilty about that sometimes, but it’s getting better every day. If no is overwhelming or just not something you’re capable of in the moment, work on creating time to give your response.  “Let me think about that for a bit and get back to you.”  “Let me double check my schedule and make sure I have space for that.  I’ll get back to you shortly.” 
6. Delegate and Trust My Team. One of the things I realized was that when I tried to do things for my team members to “help” them, I was taking away their own autonomy and sense of efficacy. I hired good people who knew how to do their jobs. Why was it so hard to let them do it? I used to take on too much, thinking it was my responsibility to handle everything. Now, I delegate tasks and trust my team. Not only does this lighten my load, but it also fosters their growth and confidence. 
7.  Prioritize Self-Care. This is a big one for me. I know that the language of “self-care” can be a bit of a dirty word, but it still feels so important. I’ve come to understand that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s Whether it’s taking a walk, setting aside time to read, or simply unplugging from work, I make sure to recharge. When I take care of myself, I show up as a better leader. 

 The Ripple Effect of Healthy Boundaries 

Since implementing these changes, I’ve noticed a shift—not just in myself, but in my team. By setting and respecting boundaries: 

• Burnout has decreased because we all prioritize rest and well-being. 
• Work-life balance has improved, leading to a healthier team dynamic. 
• Trust has grown, as people feel safe to voice their needs. 
• Engagement and productivity have increased, since well-rested teams work more effectively. 

 Final Thoughts 

Setting boundaries isn’t just about protecting myself from burnout—it’s about creating a culture where everyone feels safe, respected, and supported. As a trauma-informed leader, I now see boundaries as an act of care for myself and my team. If you’re struggling with boundary-setting, know that you’re not alone. Start small, stay consistent, and remember: when you take care of yourself, you create the conditions for others to do the same. 

 We can be compassionate, committed leaders without sacrificing our well-being. And when we lead with healthy boundaries, everyone benefits. 

Next week, we’ll dig a little deeper and talk about how you can create a culture of boundary setting on your team.