Over the last couple of weeks, we have completed a deep dive into the third pillar of trauma-informed leadership, relationships and connection. This week, we’re going to build on what you learned about your own comfort with relationships and connection in the workplace. We will also discuss ways in which you can cultivate opportunities for relationships and connections on your team. (If you haven’t reviewed that blog, you can access it here).

Relationships and Connection Team Self-Assessment

Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to assess your team. Where are they on the continuum of feeling like they relate to another? Take a moment to write your answers to the following questions:

• Do your team members identify with the Mission and Vision of the organization? Are they able to describe it in their own words? Do they seem to feel like it’s part of their identity?
• What happens when one team member has a difficult conversation with a client or customer, or otherwise experiences a challenging experience at work? Do your team members support one another? Do they seem to have some genuine friendships and connections with each other?
• How are important occasions celebrated? What happens when someone has a baby, gets married, or has a big win? Does the team come together to honor that celebration? Is there a specific team member or small group of team members that takes the lead on organizing these types of celebrations?
• Do you have a sense of how your individual team members like to be appreciated? Some people may love to have a public shout out honoring their contribution while others might feel incredibly uncomfortable with that practice and prefer a private written note.
• What is the process like for welcoming new team members? Is there a mechanism in place for them to link to other team members right away for mentorship and support? Is it a priority for them to feel welcome to the organization?
• What is the process like for saying goodbye to team members when they voluntarily leave or retire? Is there a way to honor their contribution in a way that is meaningful to them? While some team members hate goodbyes and avoid them, others might welcome the opportunity to be celebrated.
• What is the culture of your team meetings? Do team members seem to feel connected and supportive of one another? Do they appreciate the time to get together, whether it is in-person or virtual?
• If your organization completes an annual engagement survey, what are your results? What strengths have been identified? What are some of the challenges?
• What are your turnover rates? What information do you have about why people leave your organization? Do they cite reasons related to organizational culture and relationships as part of their exit surveys?
• How does the team address conflict? Do they talk about issues as they arise, or do concerns get minimized and/or dismissed until they become big issues?

Once you have answered these questions, review your responses to identify some general themes that have come up. What are the areas in which you felt like your team is strong? What are some opportunities for improvement? I found that this can be a helpful baseline from which to grow and strengthen your teams’ connections and relationships with one another and more broadly.

Strategies for Creating Opportunities for Connections and Relationships on Your Team

Now that you have a sense of where your team stands in terms of their connections and relationships with each other, there are key strategies that you can implement across the team to foster increased connections. The following are some suggestions for trauma-informed leaders:

• Begin by simply and genuinely caring about your team members. This doesn’t mean that you need to know all the intricacies of their lives, however, it does mean that you ask them about how they are doing. If you are aware that they have had a loss in their life recently, ask them about it. Check-in periodically, whether that’s during structured supervision sessions or just during impromptu meetings in-person or virtually.
• Start a conversation with your team members about connections and relationships. Since every team member is likely to differ in their comfort level with different types of team activities, it can be helpful to have a genuine conversation with your team about what connections and relationships look like for them. If appropriate, bring the results from the team self-assessment that you completed above and ask for some of their thoughts. Ask specific questions about what makes them more comfortable to connect with each other. You might be surprised about what you learn. For example, if you assume that all your team members love to get together in-person because you and a couple of your leading voices do, you might be missing the team member who dreads these types of events because they get anxious around other people or have spatial anxiety.
• Create opportunities for your team members to come together for team-building events whenever possible. Even if you have a remote workforce, it is still important for them to come together and relate to one another. These informal in-person meetings play a significant role in building trust among team members which will come in handy when it’s time to have a difficult conversation. It is important to note that this isn’t a “one size fits all” solution. Think about the types of meetings or events you are having and WHY you are having them. What is the challenge you are trying to solve? How can we foster true connection, rather than merely ticking a box? Priya Parker talks about this at length in her book The Art of Gathering. I highly recommend that all leaders read this book to get some suggestions on how to cultivate meaningful meetings and team gatherings.
• Facilitate opportunities for social support. Social support refers to activities that allow team members to remain committed to the team, especially at times of emotional turmoil (e.g., when conflict arises). Social support can take several forms that can include:
  • Being an ally to them when they need someone to help advocate for them or their ideas
  • Reassuring their worth and value to the team‐tell them how much you and the other team members appreciate them
  • Listening to their problems and offering guidance – if they ask for it.
• Implement something such as the “Motivating by Appreciation” (MBA) inventory. Based on the “Five Love Languages”, the MBA Inventory takes the languages of appreciation in the workplace and helps staff to identify the ways in which they like to receive appreciation from others. This can be helpful to implement from a leadership perspective as it changes the lens to appreciation – staff members start thinking about the ways in which their co-workers like to be appreciated and provides suggestions on how they might do that. It is helpful in building team cohesion and connection.
• Leaders can also focus on creating a “culture of gratitude” in the workplace. If you have ever implemented a gratitude practice (such as writing down three things you are grateful for each day), you know how powerful this simple practice can be. Starting meetings with staff members stating what they are grateful for can set the tone and be a game changer for how staff connect to each other.
• Cultivate staff support for one another as a trauma-informed leader. This means setting up opportunities for staff to work together and maximize their respective strengths on projects. This doesn’t mean pairing up two people where one will end up having to do all the work. It means having them utilize their respective strengths to work together and achieve a shared goal. When staff members feel connected to one another, they are also more connected to the organization more broadly.
• Don’t be afraid to have honest and difficult conversations. Often as leaders, we are so afraid of having these conversations that we avoid them as much as possible. However, if the conversation is framed in a way that honors the connection and tries to build on it, you can leave the conversation feeling more connected, not less.
• Address conflicts as they arise. If an issue comes up across team members, encourage them to have the conversation with each other directly and early. This can be difficult for many of us who like to avoid conflict and pretend that it will go away. However, if concerns aren’t addressed early, they can often take on a life of their own, with team members making assumptions about one another and creating “stories” about each other’s motivations. The earlier you can address this head on (and support your team members in doing the same), the more likely they will emerge from the conflict, even more connected. Some of the people that I feel closest to are people that I felt challenged by at one point. However, the process of resolving the conflict in a healthy and direct way created an environment of trust, which then led to increased connection.
• Finally, trauma-informed leaders can build team connections by facilitating the opportunity for there to be celebrations. While the size and type of the preferred celebration might vary by the individual staff member, the shared acknowledgement of a team member through baby and bridal showers, years of service celebrations, and other types of celebrations, creates a space of joy and connection.

While we all understand the importance of connection in our own lives, the trauma-informed leader plays an important role in facilitating that type of connection in the workplace. At the end of the day, when someone feels like they belong and they are a valued member of the team, they are more likely to stay engaged in the work and do work that benefits the entire team.